My Big Dick and Balls!
by 45dfdf4ljljip
Summary: Russell's pet whale named Dick runs away, but Lumpy is too busy playing with his beach balls to help.


**My Big Dig and Balls!**  
**Starring:** Russell and Lumpy  
**Featuring:** Petunia, Toothy, Disco Bear, Giggles, Mime, The Mole, Handy and Nutty.

Russell was sailing to find his Big Dick, a pet whale he used to have before he released it back into the wild.

_*Flashback*_

A younger Russell was playing with his Big Dick, a medium-sized whale. The whale had only one eye, and he was bruised and scratched up. Russell, who loved the sea and his creatures, wanted to care for this poor, one-eyed whale. So, Russell was on his boat playing fetch with Big Dick. He laughed and Big Dick smiled as Russell threw a stick far out into the ocean, and watched as Big Dick chased after the stick to retrieve it.

One day Russell brought Big Dick home in a giant fish bowl, but Big Dick grew and grew, getting more cramped in his giant fish bowl. Russell noted the sad look on Big Dick's face, so the next day he released him back into the wild. Russell then came back home with a new pet pussycat to fill the void.

A week later, Russell was looking through the newpaper only to find some disturbing pictures of Big Dick. One picture showed Big Dick chasing after a surfing (and terrified) Cuddles, while the next showed Big Dick chasing after a jetskiing Sniffles. Russell then heard a scream outside and looked out his window (where he had a good view of the beach). Nutty was being eaten by Big Dick! After chewing up Nutty, Russell's former pet whale jumped back into the ocean and swam out of site.

_*End Flashback*_

Ever since Russell got rid of his Big Dick in exchange for a pussy, his Big Dick has been wreaking havoc on beach-goers! Russell new that the whale needed a good scolding so he could stop attacking people. So, he sailed off with Lumpy and Mime to discipline Big Dick.

Meanwhile, Handy, The Mole, Disco Bear and Toothy were in a big, long submarine doing their submarine duties until Handy saw a Big Dig on the radar. Before anyone could react, Big Dick grabbed the submarine's shaft, bit onto the tip of the big, long submarine, and sucked out all the seamen.

Meanwhile, Petunia and Giggles were on the beach playing volleyball while Giggle's pet pussycat played with a ball of yarn next to her. Suddenly, Big Dig emerged from the sea and roared at Petunia, Giggles and the pussycat. Fearful of the giant Dick, they ran but they weren't fast enough. Big Dig jumped onto the beach and penetrated the sand, crushing Petunia, Giggles, and Giggle's pet. Big Dick started to pull himself back into the sea but stopped to look at the dead girls. Petunia, Giggles and her pussycat were almost unrecognizable, totally crushed. Big Dig felt a little bit hungry, so before going back into the ocean he started licking Giggles' pussy.

Russell continued to sail into the sea looking for his Big Dick while Lumpy played with his big balls. He was supposed to help Russell out, but instead he just played with his big balls all day. Lumpy threw his two beach balls up into the air, and tried (but failed) to catch both at the same time. His balls dropped. And then they bounced up and hit Russell's face. Pissed, Russell kicked Lumpy's balls. He kicked them off the ship, leaving  
Lumpy sad because he didn't have balls to play with anymore.

Mime, who was also sailing with them, put his little balls in Lumpy's hands, offering them to him. Lumpy looked at them and sighed with disappointment. He then tossed them over his shoulder and into the ocean - Lumpy didn't like little reindeer balls. Mime, shocked that he had lost his juggling balls, tried to run after them but of course he wasn't fast enough. Instead he stood at the edge of the ship in despair, until suddenly  
Big Dig jumped out and bit Mime's antler. Mime tried to tell Russell and Lumpy, who were turned the other way, but of course he couldn't say anything so Big Dig dragged him down into the ocean. Goodbye Mime.

A bored Lumpy was sitting around in despair until he found his balls floating in the ocean. Happy to see them, he jumped out of the ship to get them.

"Yar!" said Russell in shock to Lumpy. Russell yelled at Lumpy, pointing at him and then pointing at the ship's deck, signaling that he wanted Lumpy to get back on the ship.

Lumpy was too busy swimming and playing with his big balls to notice until suddenly Lumpy was lifted up into the air. Big Dick had emerged from the sea yet again, and Lumpy was sitting on Big Dick's nose. Big Dick was angry, so he started to growl. Lumpy screamed and looked around frantically, wondering how to save himself. "Aha!" he said to himself as he came up with a plan. He shoved his big balls into Big Dick's blow hole!  
Lumpy then sat on his balls and waited. Unable to breath, Big Dick squirted out of his blow hole, shooting Lumpy into the air. Lumpy and his balls started hurtling toward the ship.

Russell screamed, and with his mouth open wide, Lumpy's balls suddenly flew into Russell's mouth. Unable to handle Lumpy's big balls, Russell choked to death immediately. He bit down on Lumpy's balls, which flattened but then immediately slithered into his throat. Russell fell over on his back, dead, with Lumpys balls still in his mouth.

Lumpy fell back onto the ship. To his surprise the landing didn't hurt much, so he got up and dusted himself off. He then looked over at Russell and screamed. He ran after Russell, then fell to his knees and cried. He then pulled his flattened balls out of Russell's throat and hugged them. Mourning the death of his balls, he kissed them. He cried as he screamed to the heavens "WHYYYYY?". Poor Lumpy has no balls now.

Big Dick pulled his head out of the ocean again only to see Russell dead on the floor. Big Dick's jaw dropped, and then looked over at Lumpy, who was rocking back and forth while hugging his balls on the floor. Assuming that Lumpy killed Russell, Big Dick growled and then roared at Lumpy. Big Dig then swam toward the ship, roaring like the pissed-off one-eyed monster he was.

Lumpy looked over at the roaring whale coming toward him. Lumpy then looked at the "camera" and said, "Uh oh..." as the episode ended with an iris-in on his face.

The End!  
Moral: If you find something wrong with this story, you have a filthy fuckin' mind...

**A/N: If you like stories with sexual humor, try out my SpongeBob SexPants story: .net/s/8099382/1/SpongeBob_SexPants**


End file.
